


Ain’t Going Back

by Amerna



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fall of SHIELD, Undercover Mission, fake divorce, yes that's a thing now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 04:57:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20465387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amerna/pseuds/Amerna
Summary: Darcy goes undercover as Captain America's disappointed ex-wife.





	Ain’t Going Back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Em_Jaye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Em_Jaye/gifts).

> Happy Birthday, Em! I know you've read the first few pages of this already and I wanted to finish this for you but between travelling and moving and starting a new job, I managed about one third of the story. And I wanted to post the first part because 1) it's your birthday and 2) I'm not sure when this will really be ready/finished.
> 
> Also, super unbeta'd and unedited so at some point I'll definitely reread this and get rid of the typos and weird expressions etc.

### Ain’t Going Back

On a bright spring morning Darcy Lewis and Steve Rogers went in front of a DC judge and got a divorce. The procedure was quick and to the point; the couple had requested privacy in their proceedings since the husband was somewhat of a celebrity. Both had brought legal representation. They had the details such as alimony and distribution of marital property already negotiated. There were no children for whom custody arrangements, visitation schedules, or alimony payments needed to be negotiated.

The judge looked at them for a moment. She had seen a lot of couples in her career as a judge. As a matter of fact, she had 20 more proceedings scheduled for the same day, but something rubbed her the wrong way somehow. They didn’t look like the typical divorced couple, especially not with the looks they gave each other from opposite sides of the courtroom. But who was she to say anything? She had a file an inch thick full of evidence why the marriage was irretrievably broken. No wonder Captain America had requested privacy for his divorce case.

She took a deep breath and looked at the settlement agreement in front of her. She asked the customary questions to establish the plaintiff’s and defendant’s identities and to establish that the two were eligible for an uncontested divorce. She signed the order finalising the divorce and the marriage was officially dissolved. It hadn’t even taken more than 10 minutes.

The former married couple and their respective lawyers gathered their things and left the courtroom in silence. At the courthouse door, the couple hugged for a long moment. Then Captain Rogers gave his ex-wife a searing goodbye kiss, went out the door and was gone.

They would not see each other again for over a year.

~*~

“Do you know what this meeting is about?” Steve asks Darcy as he enters the meeting room and sits down.

She only shrugs in response. “It’s nothing we did, personally I mean. Our relationship is totally above all reproach. We’re completely in line with SHIELD fraternization policies and all that.”

Steve hums thoughtfully. “I don’t think anybody else is coming though, right?” he asks. “Only this Agent Jefferson person. Do you know him?”

“Never heard of him.”

“Weird.” They’re silent for a moment. “I was about to text you, but anyway. I don’t really feel like cooking tonight. You okay with take out? I’m thinking Ethiopian.”

“Works for me.”

They are silent again. “This is so weird,” Darcy finally says, “like super weird. Why are they calling us into a meeting? I mean, we dated under extensive SHIELD scrutiny and now we’re married and seriously, everything is going great. Why do I feel like I’m being called into the principal’s office?”

Steve takes her hand and squeezes it. “It’s probably just about some bureaucratic clusterfuck. Or maybe they wanna do some publicity stunt or something. It’s gonna be alright.”

That moment an agent, who must be Agent Jefferson, enters the room. He introduces himself and sits down and looks at the two of them for a moment.

“How are you doing today?” he asks.

Darcy answers with a “fine” while Steve stares at him suspiciously.

“Let’s get straight to the point, then. The reason I’ve called you here today is a leftwing terrorist group we have had under surveillance quite some time. They’re called the West Mississippi Liberation Front. We consider them armed and highly dangerous.”

“So you want us to take them out?” Steve asks.

“No, we’re still not sure about their motives and potential targets, they’re quite good at covering what they do, so we’re trying to infiltrate them.”

Steve frowns at him. “Not really my specialty.”

“We were hoping that Agent Lewis would be up to the challenge.”

“Me?” Darcy says in surprise. “If they are armed and dangerous, I suppose some of the more senior agents should take the mission? Is the Black Widow not available?”

“Well,” Agent Jefferson draws out the sound, “the thing is, they’re highly suspicious and they’re incredible difficult to infiltrate. We’ve tried with more senior agents already.”

“Why would I be more successful?”

“Have you talked to Hanna Milbank recently?” Agent Jefferson asks instead.

“As in my foster sister Hanna? No, we’ve kind of lost touch when I left for college.”

As an answer Agent Jefferson slides over a file to Darcy. “She’s in the upper ranks of the organisation.”

Darcy looks at the file for a moment. “Huh, I always liked Hanna the most,” she says, more to herself. “I didn’t figure her to become a militant.”

“People can always surprise you,” Agent Jefferson says non-committally.

“But why do you think I would be successful? Hanna knows me. And,” Darcy points at Steve, “I’m kind of married to the personification of the Man.”

“That’s why you’re both here.” Agent Jefferson takes a deep breath. “What are your thoughts about divorce?”

“What?” Both Steve and Darcy say this at the same time.

“It would make a great cover story,” he hastens to explain. “You married for love, your marriage failed, now you’re disillusioned with the system and switching sides.”

Darcy and Steve still stare at him flabbergasted.

“Of course we’d provide detail about why the marriage failed and make it accessible. Not easily, but if somebody is looking for the information, they’ll have a way to get it. There would be enough of a story to justify that you, Agent Lewis, kind of hate Captain America and everything he represents. Perfect really to get back in touch with your old… acquaintance.”

“So it would be my fault the marriage failed,” Steve clarifies.

“Yup. Affairs probably.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. I haven’t even decided yet,” Darcy interrupts. “How long would I be gone?”

“Six months we estimate. Maximum. But of course it’ll depend on the results you deliver. If you manage to find out all there is to know within weeks, you’ll be back here in no time.”

“So you want me to divorce my husband, infiltrate my foster sister’s group and rat them out? And living a lie and under constant danger of being found out for up to six months?”

“Yes.”

“I have to think about it,” Darcy says. “We need to discuss this.”

“Sure,” Agent Jefferson nods. “Let me know your thoughts.”

He gets up to leave. Darcy and Steve stare at his retreating form.

“I heard about getting married for a job,” Steve comments. “Getting a divorce is something else entirely.”

~*~

“It’s a great honour that SHIELD asked you. You can run your own mission.”

“SHIELD just asked me because of my personal connections. I would’ve never gotten this had I not grown up with Hanna.”

“Still, it’s a great opportunity.”

“I would be gone for half a year.”

“I go on missions all the time.”

“For weeks at most. Also, we really have to get divorced. For real. In front of a court and everything to make my background fool proof.”

“It could save lives.”

“Do you want to get rid of me?”

“Of course not. It’s terrible. I’ll miss you and it’s dangerous and I’ll worry and I really don’t want you to go.”

“But they’re also a terrorist group and if I don’t go, who knows what’s going to happen. SHIELD must be pretty desperate to send in one of their junior agents. Other stuff must’ve failed already.”

~*~

In the first few weeks, Darcy definitely doesn’t think how empty the bed feels without Steve. She moves all of her stuff out of his place and into storage. She moves out of DC and to a quiet small town in Iowa. After four weeks she moves again and then again, creating a pattern of restlessness and unhappiness, just like SHIELD told her to.

She gets back in touch with her foster parents. She feels incredible bad about lying to them. She keeps telling herself that it’s for the greater good, but it’s still hard.

She has absolutely no contact with anybody from her past life, which is the hardest part. She not only misses Steve but also Jane, Thor, and Clint. SHIELD made it very clear that she’s to break off all contact with them too, to make her appear desperate and lonely. Once she’s made contact and feels a little safe in her new group of friends, they’ll be able to get messages across, but on a very limited basis. And it’s easier to get messages out to Darcy that she can safely destroy after she’s read them than for Darcy to get messages out. They have communications set up for her to make status reports on her mission, but everything beyond that will be difficult.

She keeps her engagement ring and her wedding ring on a chain around her neck.

~*~

There’s a SHIELD-manufactured incident in a small town a few miles outside of Kansas City that gets Darcy arrested. She knows that the group’s headquarters are in northern Missouri and their gamble pays off and her foster parents are kind enough to get her in touch with Hanna to bail her out.

She breaks into tears (a performance that takes very little effort) on the drive back to the small town where Hanna is now living.

“I’m really sorry,” Darcy says, sniffling but somewhat calm after her meltdown, “this is just the cherry on top… I’ve had a really crappy year and it figures that I would get arrested. Sorry for the meltdown and thanks for taking care… I’ll just get myself sorted and be out of your hair before you even know it.”

“Hey,” Hanna says softly, “don’t beat yourself up. It’s gonna be alright. And don’t worry. You can stay as long as you like… until you’re back on your feet or longer.”

“Thanks, but I really don’t want to bother you-”

“You won’t.”

“And I’m trying to build a new life after my divorce-”

“Understandable.”

“And I just want to start fresh.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with starting fresh close to an old friend? You can just stay close to me and I can help out while you figure stuff out.”

“Seriously, I don’t want to bother you.”

“Like I said, you won’t and I’m glad to help. We grew up together, Darcy, and you were always one of my favourites.”

Darcy sniffles. “Thanks. Right back at ya.”

~*~

Darcy moves into Hanna’s spare bedroom, gets a job waiting tables, and bides her time.

SHIELD mentioned that Hanna is incredibly involved in the group’s actions and that it would just be a matter of time until she would meet one of them or the other, which turns out to be true.

Everybody is incredible nice, which is a little off-putting. They are doing good in the community, which doesn’t really fit into what Darcy read in all the briefings. How they’re an leftwing terrorist group intent on toppling the US government is a little mysterious still. And nobody ever mentions the West Mississippi Liberation Front.

They like picking up strays, Darcy is no different than many of them. There’s Anna and her two children Sybil and Mary, that escaped an abusive husband. They pick up Ella, Auguste, Jordan, Luca, and Honey, homeless transgender teens. They harbour illegal immigrants, feed the homeless, and take care of the sick, the elderly and society’s outcasts. All that was missing from SHIELD briefings.

A lot of people have criminal records, a few have past drug convictions, but they’re all trying to build a new life. A lot of them know homelessness, hunger, and despair.

Darcy knows that people like this, who are feeling left alone, misunderstood, the cast-outs from society, are a fertile breeding ground for extremism, but there’s no sign of it so far. The people here felt left alone and misunderstood, but now there’s some sense of community, of action.

She starts to like the space they’ve built for themselves and then immediately asks herself if she’s suffering from some kind of Stockholm syndrome.

~*~

There’s a barbecue at Hanna’s place and Darcy compares all the attendees to the photos that SHIELD showed her before she left. Most of the bigwigs of the organisation are in attendance, so Darcy tries to inconspicuously eavesdrop on their conversation. There isn’t that much to report until later during the night, when they’re all sitting on the porch, stargazing.

“You know,” Darcy’s co-worker Derek, who is also one of Hanna’s friends, says, “people used to look up at the stars and wonder if we were alone in the universe.”

“And now we know,” Hanna finishes his thought for him.

“Now we know.”

“We might’ve known a long time ago,” Tom, who SHIELD has identified as the head of the organisation, “and SHIELD has kept it from us.”

“SHIELD,” Derek says with a voice full of derision.

“Derek-” Hanna starts.

“The US government is just so incredibly corrupt,” he says.

Ah, now we’re getting somewhere, Darcy thinks.

Hanna rolls her eyes. “Don’t go there.” She turns towards Darcy. “Even before the Battle of New York he was all over Area 51 and all that stuff.”

“I mean, she was there,” Tom gestures towards Darcy and her heart stops for a second. She’s sure that her cover is solid. She was never actually in SHIELD’s employ, but rather worked for one of their front companies in the marketing department, but she has no idea what kind of resources they have to figure out who she really is. “That photo Thor on her facebook? We only found out a year later that he was a Norse god.”

“Yeah, I was there,” Darcy says, playing it cool, “when the jackbooted thugs stole all of my friend’s research.”

“And your iPod,” Hanna adds.

Darcy snorts. “Yeah, that too.”

“And you’re no longer in touch with Thor?” Derek enquires.

“My husband got him in the divorce.”

That shuts down the conversation quickly. Maybe too quickly. If she’d held on for another hour or so, have everybody drink some more, this might’ve gotten her some real results. But it also feels dishonest and Darcy seriously rethinks her commitment to being an undercover agent.

~*~

Darcy has never made any secret out of the fact that she used to be married to Captain America. There is no reason to pretend and Darcy thinks that it’s probably better to stick close to the truth. There’s only so many lies you can keep track of. Nobody ever mentions anything and Darcy tries not to think too much about Steve – they are still in communications blackout – but when their anniversary comes around, it gets really hard.

“You still love him, don’t you?” Hanna asks that night as they’re sitting on the couch watching a movie. She looks pointedly at the chain around Darcy’s neck, and Darcy realises that she’s been absentmindedly rubbing her engagement ring.

“Of course I still love him,” Darcy answers honestly, but then returns back to the character she’s supposed to play. “But I’ve been hurt too badly… I can never forgive him.”

“What happened?”

“He cheated on me.”

Hanna stares at her in disbelief for a few seconds. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously.”

“And you couldn’t forgive him for that?”

“If it had been once, maybe… but…” Darcy shrugs, trying to pretend that it’s not a big deal, while also hiding that it’s difficult to tell this lie, “he actually… well… let’s say it was more than once and then the lies…”

Hanna leans back and doesn’t say anything for a while. “They make him appear so wholesome; I can’t believe it.”

“There’s a difference between Captain America and Steve Rogers,” Darcy points out. “It’s what drew me to him initially. Captain America was boring and predictable, he has a PR team that makes sure that his reputation is pristine, but Steve is funny and smart and sassy…” She trails off, taking a deep swallow from her wine glass to hide her emotions.

“Maybe he simply hasn’t adjusted well to modern life,” Hanna suggests.

“He kind of has? But it’s more like… well, I think it’s SHIELD?” Darcy offers, trying to turn the conversation into something productive and then immediately feels bad about it. “I met him shortly after the Battle of New York and it was great for a while. But then he went back to serve and he got gobbled up by… There’s little accountability and I guess that turned him into somebody he wasn’t.”

“You’re starting to sound like Derek,” Hanna smiles.

Darcy huffs out a self-deprecating laugh.

“I never expected for you to go on such a downward spiral,” Hanna adds. “I used to check up on social media what you were doing and it looked like you had everything figured out.”

“I did for a while, but after we split up, I was so alone. Turns out, all of our friends were actually his friends. I had no idea what to do.”

“And that assault charge?” Hanna presses on.

“I would say that it was a mistake, but he was an asshole and deserved to be punched.”

It hadn’t even been that hard. One of the creepier members of the STRIKE team had been dispatched to leer at Darcy at one of the bars in the seedier parts of town and then follow her outside to make comments, which then made Darcy attack him. She had spent a night in jail until Hanna had bailed her out and then a few days later the assault charges had mysteriously disappeared.

Hanna smiles affectionately. “That’s how I remember you. You always stood up for me when we were young.”

“You were all I had.” Darcy says honestly, the guilt about lying to her foster sister settling low in her stomach.

“Right back at you.”

~*~

A few days later, Darcy finds the first communication from SHIELD in the dead drop in the park across the street. There isn’t that much in it, just information on how Darcy can establish communication now that she’s settled and instructions for emergencies.

And there’s a handwritten note from Steve. _I’m not going to tell you how much I miss you because that would make us both sad, and keeping you up to date about all the stuff that’s happening while you’re gone is also depressing, so just… stay safe out there and knock ‘em dead - Steve_

Darcy reads the few sentences over and over again. She keeps it in her pocket for a few hours until she gets home. Then she burns it and washes the ashes down the drain.

~*~

“Can I ask you a nosy question?” Darcy asks Hanna a few days later. She figures that by now Hanna trusts her enough to ask.

“Sure.”

“You do so much great work around here. With the kids and the homeless and such. How do you finance this?”

“Tom,” Hanna simply says.

“Tom?”

“He owns all of this.” The confusion must show on Darcy’s face, so Hanna continues, “Tom was called something else in a prior life and he made a shitton of money working for the government. Now he’s using it for good.”

“Oh, wow, okay,” Darcy doesn’t need to play up her surprise. SHIELD never mentioned any of it in their files. If Tom had worked for the government, it should’ve been easy enough for them to find that out and include it?

“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing. But I also wonder what he did because he feels so guilty about it.”

“He never mentioned anything?”

Hanna shakes her head. “No, I think he’s pretty embarrassed by what he’s done. The guilt…”

“Yeah…” Darcy swallows hard, trying not to think about what she might do out of guilt after she ratted out her sister and all the good work they do around here

However, before Darcy can make any report to SHIELD, the helicarriers crash into the Triskelion and Hydra is revealed to the world.

~*~

Darcy is at work when Derek gets a text and turns the TV above the bar to a news station. There’s a photo of Steve and the ribbon at the bottom of the page announces in capital letters that Captain America is a traitor and a fugitive. Darcy sucks in a sharp breath, unprepared for Steve’s photo appearing right in front of her. She doesn’t even hear what the announcer is saying.

Derek throws her a cautious look but doesn’t say anything.

They spend the next few hours glued to the TV, but there are no updates. Darcy doesn’t get any sleep and doesn’t head into work the next morning, instead she obsessively updates her Twitter and checks news sites. There are reports of Captain America being involved in a fight in downtown DC, there are shots from a helicopter of Steve being taken into custody but then a few hours later there’s again news that he’s a fugitive, considered armed and dangerous. Darcy spends her second sleepless night on the couch, but there are no further updates so in the morning she decides to head into work to at least try to pretend that everything is absolutely normal.

The diner is empty for most of the morning and Derek again turns the TV in the kitchen to a 24-hour news channel. Captain America’s fall from grace is the main topic of discussion but there are no new developments. There are unsubstantiated rumours about an incident at Fort Meade and the newscasters desperately try to connect the two but in the absence of any new developments they move on to some developments in DC they can actually report on.

Tom comes into the diner in the afternoon and sits down at the counter. He observes Darcy for an uncomfortably long time before he speaks up.

“I used to work for SHIELD, you know.”

Darcy’s been wiping the counter for the last ten minutes to do something with her hands stills and looks at him. “You did?” she asks neutrally. Again that’s something that SHIELD failed to mention in her pre-mission debrief. Now that Steve is apparently no longer in SHIELD’s good graces, Darcy has been asking herself what exactly has been going on at SHIELD and what else they’ve been keeping from her, from all of them. Steve would never do something so drastic without reason.

And she wonders why Steve hasn’t been in touch. She’s been tempted to break cover and send some communication but she also has no idea what to do. Steve is probably neck deep into something and can’t be reached and contacting SHIELD feels all kinds of wrong.

“Yeah, I made a lot of money selling them my technology.”

“Oh. Like Tony Stark?”

“Kind of… his inventions and his father’s inventions were more… they publicised them because they were considered a force for good. My things, they were used for some shady stuff.”

“Hanna mentioned that you had some… regrets from your past and that you know use your money for good.”

He just nods. “SHIELD is really shady.”

For once Darcy completely agrees, so she just nods silently, while she turns around to busy herself with the coffee pot.

“And Darcy,” Tom speaks up in a tone that makes her turn to face him once more. “Be careful out there. You might no longer be married to Captain America but now that’s he’s on the run, you might be considered a target, somebody they can use to force him back in line.” He looks at her tellingly and Darcy is 100% certain that he knows that her divorce from Steve has been a ruse to get access to their community.

She swallows hard. “Understood.”


End file.
